Letter to family concerning mom’s personal effects

Feb. 14, 2016 

Dear Family member,

Our mom, Adeline V. Becay, wished her personal belongings to be distributed among her children in substantially equal proportions…they are located at her home 590 sawmill road, durango, CO 81301.  i will be in durango for much of may, 2016.  i will be available then to meet with anyone who would like to share her things.  you can contact me at my email [email protected]….

After May 30, 2016, all personal items will either be distributed to those expressing interest, donated to charity or discarded. 

thank you,

john becay 

Elegy for Adeline J. Becay May 27, 2016

Delivered by John V. Becay

Thank you Pastor Roger you’ve been very kind through this time.  Thank you to the Methodist church for their assistance and understanding and thank you all for coming.  I would especially like to mention the family members who made the time and took the considerable effort to be here today from Montrose, Centennial, Minnesota and Virginia.   Ann, Kevin, Ann Marie, Jeanne, Tina, Jeana, Wilson, Stella.

One other family member couldn’t be here today but we hold her dear in our hearts.  Today is Thelma Becay’s 96th birthday.  She is the sole survivng member of her generation in our family.  Happy Birthday Thelma.   (Thelma Becay died a few weeks later.)

Adeline Jane Becay nee Van Camp, my mom, died peacefully in her sleep at 4 corners care center in Durango on December 21, 2015.  She was 94.   She is survived by 4 children, 2 grandchildren, 6 nephews and nieces and numerous great and great great grand children.  She was preceded in death by a brother, 2 sisters and her parents.

 Adeline was born in Elkhart, Kansas on May 13, 1921.  She came to Colorado at the age of 2 in a covered wagon with her brother, then 3, and her parents.  Her father worked his team of horses helping construct highway 160 across southern Colorado.  When the road crew had extended the road a few miles, her father would return with his team and leapfrog the wagon, their home, ahead to the next spot.  They built highway 160 across Colorado, over Wolf Creek and through Pagosa Springs.  When they reached Bayfield they decided to settle.  They had about them a pioneer spirit.  Her parents farmed near Bayfield and on Florida Mesa.  Her mother was also a registered nurse.  Adeline remained close to her brother Raymond her entire life.  He was not that much older.  Adeline’s sisters came along some 8 to 10 years later. Adeline graduated from Durango High School in 1938.  She married Frank Becay in 1938.  He died in 1999.  They lived most of their lives on their 7 acre farm on the Animas river where they raised their 4 children.

 Adeline was devoted to her family and to living close to nature, gardening, canning, drying food, baking, preparing nutritious meals, sewing, quilting, braiding rugs and living a green life, long before it became stylish.  She was years ahead of her time.  She dedicated much of her life to turning the family farm into a garden spot filled with trees, gardens, flowers.  Everyone who visited it was enchanted by its beauty.  Though she was steeped in a conservation ethic, she was generous with her time and resources.  She was an active member of the First United Methodist church in Durango.  She volunteered for years at the Methodist thrift shop.  During that time I never bought any clothes.  Mom supplied me with what I needed from the thrift shop.  She was especially proud of her work as an elementary school aide.  For years her former students, adults by then, would say hello to her when they met.  Adeline was steadfastly loyal to those in her life, especially her family.  Her family was the most important aspect of her life.  She was always there for them. She tried to instill this and other values in her children.

 In her 60s she took up hiking with a group from her church.  Every Sunday afternoon they would hike the trails surrounding Durango.  They also ventured further afield.  Adeline summited 36 of Colorado’s 54 14-teeners, and hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon several times.  In winter she snow shoed.  She competed in senior classes in foot races.  All of this was in her 60s and 70s.  She remained active well into her 80s.  Her most valued possession were her hiking boots.  One night a fire broke out.  It consumed the adjacent property.  The fire department was doing their best to save our house but it was touch and go.  They informed Adeline she should gather any possessions she wanted to save and be ready to evacuate.  Mom grabbed what she considered  most important—the family fotos, and her hiking boots.   

 Adeline loved the sun and valued every moment she could spend in it.  Once she expressed her conviction that if she wasn’t a Christian, she would have worshiped the sun.  Adeline died at 12:40 a.m. Dec 21, traditionally the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year.  The sun had left so she did too.  This beautiful place, this beautiful day,  She would have loved it here today.

 Adeline’s last years were spent in assisted living and nursing home care.  She fractured her femur which ended her living in her beloved home. The surgeon gave her a year to live and predicted 12 months of misery confined to a bed or chair.  Adeline battled back attending therapy everyday despite debilitating pain.  She recovered and a year later was able to walk into the surgeon’s office.  “Adeline, you’ve made a liar of me,” he said.  It was typical of mom’s will and purpose.  She lived another 6 years.  Sadly her last years were spent mostly alone, far from her scattered family and their busy lives.  This saddened and bewildered her and contributed to her retreat into dementia.  Gordon and Marcia Clouser, friends from the church, helped immensely in her final years.  We could not have functioned without them.  Dave and Connie, Dwayne and Marsha, Gordon and Marsha, Diane Skinner and other church members visited often.  She loved their visits.  She especially enjoyed Dwayne’s singing and playing for her.  Tina, her niece, visited often, and brightened her day.  Tina was with Adeline when she died.  To all these dear friends, and others I haven’t mentioned, a heartfelt thank you for easing Adeline’s final years.

Adeline, my mom, was devoted to her mother who in turn was devoted to her.  Mom’s value system was inherited and she passed it on to her children.  Mom was a Christian and deeply committed to her family.  She was at her core a good person.

Everyone who knew her was touched by her.  She honored and deeply respected her parents.  She wanted to be buried here between their 2 headstones.  

Adeline’s fundamental purpose was passing her values to her children.  And that is what she tried to accomplish.  Mom was loyal to her family and friends, beyond all question.  She was a staunch defender of nature, a devotee to health and a small ecological footprint, and deeply spiritual, a true child of God.  She was in all ways a gentle soul.  God Bless her and our deepest gratitude to the Divine Spirit for sharing her with us.   I am who I am because of her.  I am so grateful she was my mom.

 Thank you.

One last note, tomorow, saturday at noon we are having sandwiches and giving people a chance to walk around Adeline’s beautiful farm.  Everyone is welcome to come.  Please tell me today after the service if you plan on coming as i need to know how many to expect.  The address is 590 sawmill rd between Rivergate and Pro Build on sawmill road off highway 3.

Thank you—john van becay 

copyright 2020 john van becay